Las Vegas was a vacation. Of epic proportions. Vacation from my crazy. Clear up resentments and greif. To be helpful. Giving back. All of it was about others, sort of contrasted with a typical vacation, and it was amazing.

Here it is, raw and unedited. The solution? I can love my sister. The only problem is that I feel incapable. That was the family message. But I can do it and I will.

I called them! The past doesn’t matter! Wow. All that matters is what I do now. It’s awesome.

Rebalance the family!!!

Be like Bart! I spent all this time cleaning my “house”. Gee whiz. Clean the family!

Never stop digging. End the resentment/unforgiving cycle. An older brother in a family of women with no dad as an age old tale. The older brother always steps up a little. It’s normal.

I took a shower and cried. I felt forgiving of my dad for once. At the same time I felt I could be forgiven. I was resenting the world for how I was continuing the cycle. Again, I am just lucky to find this out.

Stacey, I am sorry for not taking care of myself or doing my job. It’s hard!!! I am doing it. It brings up the depths of aggravation in my heart. But it’s working. I hope you understand and are taken care of and feel loved.

It’s so weird it’s like I’m on the other side of this glass and everyone is looking to me for something. To be taken care of, maybe. Is it me? I’m sure I’ll find out. To be helpful I think is the answer.

I stopped reading the news. I have no idea what’s going on with anyone. I just do my life.

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