And I was right! And to all this nay sayers, well, too bad for you. I didn’t give up and it’s worth it. I wanted the easy way out. Pursue another woman. Take a sales class and take off in real estate. Learn psychological manipulation methods to make women love me. Well I didn’t want to do that but one man tempted me to. No. None of that will mean anything in twenty years. The only thing that will mean anything is integrity and living a real life. And Stacey makes me do that. And I make her do that. And I’m just going to stare into her eyes and say Stacey, I love you. And she’ll say I know. And then I’ll say, Stacey, I love you.
I wasn’t progressing because I felt guilty. I resented the Chardonnay and the Velocity. Six years ago when I drank too much and had a boat, I descended in to the harbor as if I owned all the boats. And I cut the Chardonnay off. And they both said something about it. Nothing horrible. Just hey make sure you sail straight out of the harbor instead of sporadically cutting across the harbor mouth as I had done. And so I hated them. But there was more. I was jealous of their boats. So my mind would take any reason to hate them. So I hated these poor boats and their drivers for years because I was jealous. And I had all this passive aggressive stuff going on with them. And I knew it wasn’t right. And I was afraid of them because they knew my mistake and I wasn’t facing them as an adult. Only as a hurt kid. So I went and talked to them. And it’s all OK now. They are people and nice people too. And I stood up for my humanity. Hi I made a mistake and I’m doing better now. It was my fault. I want to be friends. And they said OK. Not only that, but velocity told me their old captain is gone now but told me he also worked for Chardonnay back then and that they would have his number. So I called them for his number and Called him. We talked for 10 minutes. Turns out he was probably the same guy who called me out on both boats. I wondered why velocity seemed to know that I had cut off Chardonnay!!! So we talked and might be friends now. We are very similar. And that’s the meaning. Usually when someone crashes into someone, it’s because they like them. Or they’re similar. Or jealous (and therefore have similar likes).
If I think back and am truly honest, anytime I’ve rubbed against someone, emotionally, with a car, or a boat, it’s a passive aggressive expression of like. Stalking. Jealousy. Intimidating. Fear, jealousy, like. The 12 steps unwinds this so I can identify it then to resolve it. Chardonnay I’m sorry I cut you off. I’m jealous of your boat. I really like the colors, the name, and the style. I really just wanted to be friends but was afraid you wouldn’t want to be.