I found myself in these situations where all I could do is pray. And pray. And pray. I had nothing else. Like today. I didn’t go to church. I don’t feel good. I don’t have a housemate. I don’t talk to anyone much. All I can do is sit here and pray. I feel desperate. But I am 34 year old man, who has chosen to not do a lot of things. So I can pray! And see. And know.
Big things are happening at church. And I want to be there in the right frame of mind. Not today.
I still wonder what will happen on August. I now think she probably won’t call. Which will be ok. It will be a relief. Ok, I was wrong. She probably spent five years becoming an awesome biker and I spent five years…. in therapy. I don’t know if it’s biblical but someone once said, all is well that ends well. And I suppose that is all that matters. And if she did call, that would be good too. But now all I can do is pray. I can’t date anyone until then. I can just give people rides to church who need rides. I give females rides to church when they need. And I wonder what message it sends in this hyper social environment we live in. In many places if the world, no one would even care, they are so focused on just surviving. But here, we have the luxury of criticizing each other for the simplest things.
So I pray. And I realize I am sort of obsessed with being in a relationship. I think it is because I don’t have a housemate or someone who I regularly do things with. I guess I should work on that!