Sometimes I worry

That she is being loved. But I mean really. Not in thy superficial or selfish way. But for real. For me, it’s a holistic thing. I have to be diplomatic and loving in my whole life in order to love someone.

I just met a Jenna. It was weird. I’ve never met a Jenna for the first time outside of a womb.

I realize now, she pushed me away because she knew I was hurt and I needed to deal with it. It’s like when you separate the crazy chicken for a while so he can figure out how to chill out. Get out all the crazy in a contained area. Like the harbor. I was bigger than I thought. I brought this entire bad attitude to the harbor 6 years ago. So I’m un-doing it. I felt like every one was a narcissistic wacko, and I realized, I started it! I have this huge presence because I don’t know I exist. And everyone follows my lead! So, I’m going to do better.

I was jealous of her. She is better at life than me. I have a lot of jealousy. It’s wicked! It is!

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