I want some sort of mood stabilizer. An herbal one. The problem with medication, is that half the reason I would want a medication, is because I’m surrounded by people who are medicating, and it drives me crazy. I can see right through it. Stand strong! Be different! Be sober! It dumbs people down. You don’t have to be dumbed down. There is a real path through it. It requires patience. Intelligence. Planning. And hope.
This was driving me crazy until last night I snapped and had a few beers. It made me happy and warm. But today it left me down. And it’s horrible. But I think I was looking for something to calm my mind. Otherwise I have been totally sober and straight. Last night I was sober minded. Just having fun. But it isn’t fair. I am surrounded my people who use. Whatever it is. And I choose not to. Maybe I need to get out of Santa Cruz. It’s the Mecca of drugs.