Like seriously. I should be selling. I am not comfortable with borrowing agains my house to live. That doesn’t make sense to me. I have a career lined up but the timing is going slower than I expected. I agreed to just wait for it… but it is taking a long time! I wanted to know what it’s like to not have the great office job …. and it’s hard! It is really hard! It’s easy to get overweight too. Scrumping down carbs. I’m in this cycle of eating sugar, then not sleeping, then needing sugary foods. All the while feeling like crap. Ohhhhh I feel bad. I need to talk to people more. My mom. I need motherly attention right now. Therapy is good but it opens up those tough things. Wow though. I have grown so much. It’s good. I’m a little weary. What do I live for? Sailing I think. Definitely sailing. And maybe friends? Friends? What is that? I don’t have any friends. I’m so angry and hurt. There’s no one like me.