I had to think I was a part of it

Or atleast I was looking for meaning in what had happened with me. Because the whole time I felt like what I was doing was for a reason. For one I had hoped for years that someone would put an end to all the subtle ways sexuality pervades television. Mostly because it mislead my own thoughts against what I knew was right. So, I found myself harassing her. There was nothing physical. Not even threatening. Not even requesting anything more than dinner at the shadow brook restaurant. But something told me to push it a little. So I did. I gave her a lot of little reasons to prosecute me. I suppose the big one was that she had told me she wasn’t comfortable with me continuing to ask her out because she was in a serious relationship. That one really got me. My entire life had been massively uncomfortable and here she was saying it was illegal for someone to be uncomfortable. Oh it really made me mad. But that is besides the point and there are a lot of fruitful conversations to be had about that. So, she prosecuted me. And it hurt. But something told me to just take it. Don’t resist. Just be who you are and pay the fines. But something told me it wasn’t enough. So when I did run into her, I stood my ground a little. No deliberate violations. I just stood my ground. So her and her entire legal team prosecuted me more. And I would think, ok I am not dumb, I am doing this for a reason. Everyone thought it was because I was this obsessed monster. And if you’ve ever seen her you can understand the obsession, but that wasn’t what it was. I was a 30 year highly functioning man. There was another reason. And if I did have a part in encouraging the wake of sexual harassment prosecutions that have been occurring lately, it was this. I told everyone and I told everyone that she was right. Because she was! I knew what she would do. And I still did it. And if it did give others the courage to make that phone call,file that paper, or write that story, then it was definitely worth it. Not to see grown men suffer. But to see accountability to our moral standards. Especially, for me!

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