I think this is what is going on. And I use pain to get my fix. My mom was born addicted to amphetamines. Her mom had been prescribed to take them. Perhaps I had a similar fate. Last night I was giggling. I thought it was because I was in so much pain. No. It’s the endorphin rush. It’s the same as opioids. Halfway between sleep, my musical brain lineage kicked in. I heard an entire country band playing unique songs. I heard an entire orchestra playing symphonies. I used to have this when I felt safe and secure. I gave up all my security. I needed a drug to bring me back. I think that is what happened. That’s kind of scary.