Broken

Ohhh everything has changed again. I am mad at the world.

While Amber was staying here I fasted for three days and prayed a lot. I thought it might help. Something was controlling her. I can’t stand seeing that in someone. I would give away everything to free someone.

I did a practice lap on the old old cabin classic race route today. I hadn’t ridden in a week and since fasting. I barely did one hour over the 11 mile course. Which actually isn’t bad. But I thought I could do a lot better. I rode my cross bike. It was a ton of fun. I might try my mountain bike. It’s heavier but has a better riding position for the uphill. But it would be so cool to race that trail on a cross bike. Haha! Just for fun! Oh man. I got a flat but I got someone to patch me up. I got the flat at the top. I literally put my bike down and laid down in the weeds. That’s definitely my favorite thing to do. Just collapse into the weeds. That’s where I could hide when I was a kid. And be free.

I have all brand new subfloor and a nice kitchen layout. So I’m moving things around like the table that I traded a bunch of pavers for and the couch. Got rid of a bunch of old magazines. It’s really nice! This house might actually be a really nice house! I just waiting for my approval letter so I can schedule inspections and get the drywall back on!!!!

It’s funny once you start doing a lot the little details don’t matter so much anymore because you have confidence and experience. The details are still important but my project planning capabilities have already accounted for them plus back up plans, and sometimes it’s nice to let things just happen. In fact that’s my whole life. I let things happen. Except for drinking drinks from strangers. That’s the one thing.

The only problem is I got this giant wood stove for free but I can’t figure out where it could fit. It would be so great to have one in here. I guess I could put it in and try it out for a while.

I’m on this kick where if I haven’t used something in a month, then it’s gone. So everything wends up getting installed or getting recycled. Which is awesome!!!!! It gives me a strong sense of clarity. I can actually be more present!!

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