I’m slowly figuring out the big scary monster is sensitive subjects and guilt. When she does something inappropriate she runs away and says the monster is following her. She relates it to changes in the wind and the sun. I’m pretty mad because she is verbally abusive. She starts saying I am the monster. Which is scary to me because I don’t want to be accused of something I haven’t done. This is a common theme in my life. How do you love and be nice to people without them starting to take out all their personal problems on you? Or do you go it alone and walls up until someone respects you and then be their friend? Or give in and be forced to be overly explanatory about everything so no one can assume anything? Or let it go and just keep living? Or go out front and put everyone down. But then what if I need help at some point? There’s something fundamental that I don’t understand.
She also is trying to trap me. She looks at me innocently with big eyes. It’s good to be agreeable but she is clearly trying to use me. It is a ic fact that animals with larger heads, puffy cheeks, and big eyes, also known as children, inherently get attention from the older animals, parents, due to a biological programming to care for people with those features. So I feel like I have to care about her nonsensical ramblings about the people who are trying to get her because of the shape of her eyes. And while I do care, I can’t care about things that aren’t grounded in reality.
So I listen and respond, a good technique for schizophrenics, validation of the fantasy, just to keep the relationship good in the hopes that she will one day, even ten years later, fully recover. But I have to be acceptionally clear, direct, and diplomatic. And set boundaries and leave the rest to her. If I have to leave I leave regardless of her fears. It’s up to her to stay if she wants otherwise she can leave if she can’t handle my directness. I think a lot of it is a game to get attention. But I don’t give in. But I do worry, if she does leave, where she’ll end up again. But after spending another few days, I have let that go. It is her life and I accept that now.