My life is misery. I made it this way. I need you. You can help me. Forget about what you want and help me! Were the perfect combination! I need you, and you can help me.

What happened?

I don’t know. I developed this idea of you and us that never became real. Everything has changed. Before I had these superpowers and could do anything and was great at work. Then it all crashed. It is like I didn’t care about anything else before and now all of a sudden I am wading in this thick goo of stifle. I am stifled. I need to see that I am good and can do good. Every step I take right now is heavy!!! Ewww!

It was the last six months. I got trapped in all of these crazy situations!! That was horrible!! I made some poor decisions. What a nightmare. I will never, ever, get close to any thing remotely similar to that again. I was a complete disaster. It was the situations. But I walked in to them. Against my good conscience.

Every time

You pull off something incredible, and then everyone is left wondering, what’s next? How is she going to top that??! I always enjoyed filler material of splendid photographs with colors and contrast and people at life. They are always so good!!!

This thing

The wonder of discovery

It wakes me up every morning. And the chaotic sound honestly would put my brain into a sort of chaotic annoyance, and I would never find a grounded answer to what the sound was. I honestly didn’t believe it was a bird, just this strange background noise. So finally one day I spent a half hour pin pointing where it was coming from and got a sighting of the bird. It appeared to be a humming bird. I cross checked videos of hummingbirds and couldn’t find the exactly chaotic weird sound. But this is him! It was a juvenile so I couldn’t get a direct match from my bird book.

For lack of a better word

Good gravy!!! Gracious good! Blimey! Wow!!!!!

An exclamation of surprise, enthusiasm, surprise, and gratitude.

Something INCREDIBLE happened tonight. I can’t talk about it. But it was incredible. I have prayed for this for YEARS. This is worth every second of grief I have ever experienced. This was HUGE.

Today I ate oatmeal with powdered creamer, eggs with beans and a homemade tortilla, Turkey with broccoli Summer squash and egg noodles. I also identified the bird who chirps outside my window in the mornings. It is a gnat catcher. Mine makes this more static noise type of sounds with the really quick chirps.

it isn’t a gnat catcher. It some type of grey bellied hummingbird. He sounds similar to this. They make a crazy sound.

And I always thought this sound was an owl:


I am investigating the Catholic Church! I should have done this a long time ago. I have always felt Catholic. I don’t know why. To me, in my head, they are the closest to God. So I am learning more. I don’t know why I beat around the bush for so many years. They have a meeting on Wednesday mornings that is perfect for me. I am doing this at Holy Cross. It is my favorite church. It always has been. I have a deep respect for that church. For me, this is about peace, serenity, healing, and clarity. The reason I am obsessed with Stacey is because she carries the Catholic spirit. Whatever that is. It could be the Holy Spirit, it could be the Catholic virtues. She is humble, helpful, serves, and integrates herself in her community. She only creates good. It is remarkable.

And balance!!! Seriously!! Balance!!!


Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe[a] in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.”

Elijah Fed by Ravens

2 Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah: 3 “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. 4 You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.”

5 So he did what the Lord had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

Elijah and the Widow at Zarephath

7 Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. 8 Then the word of the Lord came to him: 9 “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” 10 So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” 11 As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”

12 “As surely as the Lord your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”

13 Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. 14 For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’”

15 She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. 16 For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah.

Downhill drills

Ohhh it’s so good. Go somewhere where you can put together a little circuit about 50 feet in diameter. Nothing crazy. Just a one foot drop, some slippery areas to do an s turn in, an off camber turn area, and whatever you can find. Then do 50 laps forcing yourself to coach yourself through it on your head. Say, breathe. Look ahead. Lean the bike. Dig the bike in. Turn your body. Pop the front tire a little. Look ahead. Breathe. It’s so good! It puts the right frame of mind in the drivers seat.

You are like butter on a slope

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

The Narrow and Wide Gates

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

True and False Prophets

15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Hi my name is Kyle

I enjoy using specific language to direct my brain towards self awareness. I do this to maintain self control and it makes me feel like a man. I have no need to control you. I am walking to my car. Is that ok?

I understand that you are having a strong emotional occurrence. And it is stifling your ability to see me for who I really am and see the full extent of the physical reality around you. Thank you.