As it has been unfair to you. This has never worked. It has been impossible situation after impossible situation. I know I have atleast inspired you to grieve deeper. And there is something to be said about that. But otherwise I have just taken up your time, energy, and attention with no resolution of any kind ever. Because I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why. Not at the work party. Not on the phone. Not in Marin. Not on the bridge. Not on the sidewalk. Not at the intersection. Not in the parking lot. Not in the other parking lot. Not at your door. Not in the letter. Not in the flowers. I couldn’t even give you the flowers four years ago. There is something fundamentally not fair between you and I and it scares me. The only thing I have done is mess up over and over and over and seemingly waste your time. I don’t understand why this happened. If you had ever shown me that you moved on I would have accepted it.