She hasn’t come by

She hasn’t come by again. When I made her leave I was really mad and very serious about her leaving. I got her car working, pulled it down the street and said I don’t care if your car gets towed or what happens, you have to get off my property now. She tried calling me today from a mechanic but I missed the call. The last time I asked Sean to leave, I knew I was saying goodbye forever. I warned him, if he didn’t choose real help he was going to die. I knew if I kept giving him logistical support he would still crash. When I realized six months later that he did die, I didn’t know what to think. I think I was the only person that knew he had already tried to commit suicide. When he told me everything including him was so crazy that I didn’t know what to think except that the strength to survive had to come from within him. A subtle strength based on love from the bottom of his heart. I tried to show him my form of that love by listening and empathizing. I don’t know if I could imagine a woman going through the same pain and sorrow. It is agonizing to see. I think that is why he was shot. It’s just so agonizing! You just want it to stop. But he trusted me for some reason. He knew I had made choices to get real. And he respected that. She actually told me she knows she’s going to die from it. I don’t want that to happen but I don’t think I can fight it! I found her car two days ago and left her soup in a jar, a note, a flashlight, and her Wellbutrin. Sean was also taking Wellbutrin. She has it for depression. I told her don’t worry about depression, just stay at my place and sleep all day for a few weeks, no one is judging you. Sometimes your body just needs that! It was almost like he came to me because he knew he was going to die! And I knew the right things to say to make sure his soul was right before hand. Maybe I’m dying too! I don’t know. Maybe we’re ALL dying!

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