Last night I went to the symphony. They played theme songs from movies. John Williams. Jurassic Park. Et. Star Wars. And that other movie. It was good. It brought back a lot of feeling from childhood that has slowly been buried. I went alone. It was best that way. It brought a lot of tears. Jurassic Park. That song kills me. It holds this promise of hope to me.
Last night I remembered junior guards. Paddling in. This is my life. Putting back together all these fragments. And I’m good at it. All I did as a kid was take things apart and put them back together. It was the last week of junior guards and as a special treat we got to paddle in from the wharf. It was epic. On boogie boards. They had thousands of boogie boards. I was afraid of the deep water. So our baby sitters boyfriend offered to come with me. Eden. Cissa and eden. Her real name was Ramayana. She was from Brazil. I really liked the paddle in. It was cold. We usually didn’t spend that much time in the water. I couldn’t stand being out there so I kept paddling and paddling. The other kids wanted to stop and play. Eden didn’t understand this and got embarrassed. So he stopped and played with the kids. It made me jealous and envious. I never knew how to play. Especially not fantasy. My friends would walk their little figurines around and talk for them. I thought it was stupid. But it’s beginning to have some merit now. I think it’s a method of processing external reality.