I had committed to getting Amber a Drivers license. Without identification she was pretty stuck. But getting herself to the dmv with money was quite a task. I had also committed to this being the last big push for her. She was mostly self sustaining, and a proper id would really help. She also wanted to get her check. Which was great because she could pay me back for her cell phone. So we got her check, went to the bank, got groceries, I went to my therapist, took her to the library, then went to the dmv, I went to the hardware store, the grocery store, and goodwill, got new shorts, then went back to cvs to return something. She had used all her money. I figured she had bought drugs and was lying. I checked everything over and she wasn’t lying. I am suspicious about the phone. Did she trade it for something? I don’t know but I’m tired of it. I gave her 40 to give her mom which I trust will be used well, dropped her off, said goodbye, and wished her well. She is somewhat seeing a great guy and together they are helping each other with essentials and things. And she has a drivers license and her car is gone. And I think those are all things she actually wanted. For now I can’t support an endless loop of losing things. I wanted to see what would happen and now I know. The important part is I was patient and caring. And she verbalized a lot of things and that is important to me. She is talking now and working towards supporting herself. The serial killer is gone. Amen.

I had planned for today to be a big day to get her somewhat squared away and God provided and in the last few months lined verything up for her and I did my part. Now I can do my own big push to finish my house. The big first race is over and I learned a lot. My bike is back together. And I have an awesome outfit now. I am just about ready for work. Therapy opened a big bubble and it’s just about closing. The only looming string, which isn’t a string, it’s either the most awesome thing in the world or just a passing infatuation, is to see if Stacey had any feelings for me. I actually was infatuated with her for years. It’s true. And that has changed. She’s just a person! A really pretty and neat person. But just a person. I judged Amber a lot because relative to Stacey she just didn’t compare. But they are both people. Stacey much calmer and collected. So, life is moving forwards! Summer will have a few good rides with some make friends and maybe a camping trip. And a new house. And that’s quite enough!

Even though she kept losing things, she is getting better about it. And I planned for that. I knew some things would be wasted but there would be progress and progress is what is most important. There’s always a little regression I suppose. But overall there has been huge progress. Huge! It’s good! Like the internet. It has progressed a ton. And spreadsheets too!

She gets her checks from the mental health facility. I can’t stand that place. Everyone looks needy and lazy to me. That’s just where I’m at right now. I’m mostly courteous but short and stern with everyone. I have a plan, I have a goal, and I have ability. And I’m sticking to it.

My counselor said there is no way Stacey is excited to talk to me. That is what everyone says. I’m willing to wait to see. Maybe she will. Maybe it will just be an acknowledgment of a situation. Maybe she’ll have empathy. I don’t know! No one else truly knows.

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