I’ve done some good work. Clearing things up with others. Taking responsibility for my part. Now the full reality is becoming more clear. I have poor boundaries. I play games. I am flirtatious. And I intrigue. To me, it’s about encouraging others. But I include flirting and intriguing. Partly because I want exclusive attention from people. So I’m trying to figure out how to stop this. I also like to get close to women while mountain biking. Many don’t appreciate it. It’s a little way of saying hello. I want to stop that. Also in the office. Walking by a female. I’d rather just walk by and not try to get near them or anyone. Looks. My eyes wander. Simply because I don’t want to make eye contact. I need to keep my eyes on the ground or at the eyes. Otherwise people take it weird. And it is weird to look at someone’s stomach. I just don’t want to start an entire conversation about someone’s entire life every time I walk by anywhere. Project myself. Protect my heart. Save it for someone good. That is my goal. Drive to work. Do work. Drive home. Nothing more is necessary.
I’m just going to let go of trying to do anything for others. Just do my part and that’s it. Stop trying to be Jesus. Jeshua. Stop trying to save any one. Let them figure out what they need to figure out. Just like I want.
In a way, it’s like I’m trying to dance with everyone, so they’ll let go, and stop constantly competing, and everyone doesn’t necessarily want to dance and I’m a little weird about it. So I’m just going to dance with myself.