An unintended discovery

This morning I made something good. An egg sandwich. From scratch. The bun was flour, water, salt, and baking powder. Then I scrambled and cooked two eggs. The result tasted just like an egg McMuffin sandwich from McDonald’s. It was kind of weird. Maybe their food wasn’t full of a ton of processed stuff like it seems?

My brain is seriously changing right now. It’s like I’m moving away from a certain mindset and into a much more balanced, broader view. It’s good. Everything is ok. And the more I believe that, the less I make things difficult. It’s good. I focused on priorities today. Getting rid of old things. And a jig in the morning. That’s what it’s all about!!!! Out in a new window, painted a door. Starting to work out my last trim details. Got to make a little box for the power converter for the lights. The new window was the best decision I have ever made!!!!

Simpkins

All I wanted to do, was get this old house settled, and get over to simpkins and sit. Just sit there. Like nothing has ever happened. All there is, is now, the beginning! It’s just a mental practice.

A little crazy

A month ago it was just me and my house. Then I went on this crazy adventure to get a sailboat I could captain. And now a housemate. And now a ton of sailor crew. This makes things complicated. I feel like I have to save everyone.

The truth, actually, is that I get mad. Because people want to talk about all this weird crazy stuff that really doesn’t have any relevance to them and it has nothing to do with Stacey. I just want to sit and talk about her all day and they want to talk about traveling and blah blah blah blah blah blah. Oh you’ve been to Italy? Me too! What was your favorite spot? Really? Is that really what you care about?!

it just felt weird. Could I actually just do all of the things I love? I mean I had to do things I didn’t love, but could I sail, bike, run, and talk to her?

It was all because of her

I took four newbies sailing tonight. We went to capitola, moored, then spinnakered back. A little intense. While moored I got anxious and had to get something out. You guys! In a week, the most beautiful woman in the world might be calling me. And all of this, what we’re doing right now, is because of her!

The end

This was the end. In so many ways. My house was essentially a complete house. And my restraining order was ending. I wrote it in my planner. The end.

What if she had moved on? What if it was all in my stupid head? That would be ok. It would have just been a symptom of major trauma. And that is ok. I can accept that. Atleast it would make sense.

I found myself meeting with the father figures in my life. Just to make me feel settled. And get a little wisdom. They understood.

Now I had some income again. I could subsist like his for another six months. Making my food. $40 a week. And good too. And watering my vegetables with my bath water. Riding my bike. Trading handy man work at my moms gym for a membership. And biking.

It felt good. I planned my day for tomorrow. Bike. That was it.

Or what if she wanted to go sailing with me? I would take her and never let her out of my sight for eighty years. Ever. Never. Until the end.

There is a bible verse, that said to be enraptured with your wife’s love. And if it was her, then it was easy!

My blog

Right around 9, I start feeling like something is wrong. I feel empty. And then I realize, I need to write in my blog! My blog! It’s my favorite! It really is. It’s where it’s at. I sailed tonight. It was epic. Brandon’s boat is amazing. I waxed the windows and the railing before hand. I had three newbies, got one driving, I put up the spinnaker, and we got moving. It was so much fun. And the sun was red from the smoke. And the. The fog came in hard. We watched it slowly come toward us. I know that little bay so well I brought us straight back to the harbor, without any navigation. Dead on. Took the spinnaker down just in time. It got a little chilly. One man, yosi, he brought foul weather gear and it was good because he got cold. One guy claimed to have been in the americas cup, it was an obvious lie. That made me a little uncomfortable. I can smell a lie and I can’t stand them.

I wonder if she just couldn’t believe someone liked her so much?

It was like

The radiance of Mariah Carey, the clarity of Tina Turner, the body of Britney Spears, the spunk of Spice, and an extra something from somewhere else.