Buena vista

I always wonder what Spanish speakers think when they see a road sign to buena vista. Life must be much simpler for Spanish speakers. Everything has changed for me. My brain and head feel really good. Normal. Accepted. I saw amber today. I was walking hoke from wilder. I went to get my water bottle. I ended up sweeping part of the course picking up the trail signs. I rode hard. It was good. I can’t believe how fast I rode up Baldwin yesterday. I was riding up it today thinking, how was I going faster? I remember going faster but I don’t think that’s possible. I came back down, no water bottle, and got a flat. I took it easy. I didn’t bring a tube. So I walked 9 miles back home. I’m walking up a hill and there’s amber! I made sure she was being safe. She kills my heart. She’s completely dissociated. I guess her ex boyfriend do the typical male thing and hurt her feelings. I validated that for her and asked how that thing inside of her that represents her self view was. Her self esteem. She said it was fine. I said well it may have been damaged. But it’s not your fault. It’s just his own problem. It has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to carry the effect of his personal problems. I don’t think many women know that deep down. They carry everything for everyone.

On the way I took some cool photos of the ducks, geese, gulls, sparrows, and herons. It was fun. Something is happening to my brain. I guess I let go of a dream… and I’m still ok, and that solidified something inside me. It’s good. I feel more self sufficient I think. Stronger. I am so glad I did 5is race. It was huge for me. I was really nervous. What if a bunch of bell people were 5ere? How would the start go? But I just be’d myself. In the middle of a bunch of chaos and emotionally dependent people and excitement, I was me. And there were other people there who were themselves. And then we rode bikes. And I took off fast! And barely made the last climb. And my legs loved it. I feel loved. I gave it all up for God. And I feel loved and grace and pure and clean. And it’s the right thing to do. And I need to admit to my inspector that I lied about the heater. Thank you Stacey! My life has been ever evolving. And you changed everything. And I love it!

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