Better to skip a day

Then to trip a day. I didn’t skip day 27. But it’s now day 28. What do you think? I think I might be able to be a mature, 36 year old, man, husband, and dad. Quantitatively, I think I am at 82.5%. Incremental progress. That’s the difficulty of projects. Some days progress wisps by like clouds under a thunderous sky. Other days, well, you might as well be waiting to hear the crickets.

To want to help. I think that’s the answer. The only way to grow past this culture, and the collective conscious, without going crazy, is to always want to help. What I mean is, collectively, we are being deceived. We are. There’s these crazy stories of sex trafficking and on and on and all sorts of real life nightmares. And homelessness! It’s right in front of our eyes! And yet we think “they” will take care of it. There is no they. That’s what I’m trying to get people to see. Thinking there is a “they” means you are small. There is no they. That’s the deception. It’s us. That’s it! That’s all we’ve got! It’s all up to us. Collectively. The government is us. We want change. We have to be the change. Give it 30 years. But it will happen.

The homelessness cake from the be cool culture. Don’t worry about. Don’t push yourself. They’ll take care of it. Look where it got us. Haha. Honestly!

Ok this is satirical, but think about. All post college students freak out about the environment. It’s because after college, there is no they anymore. You have to work and work hard. This might be a huge mental shift that you have to work hard at as well.

Anyway, I’m paying my dad for my truck. It’s prudent. Thank you for reading! I love you.

Do you know who “they” is? They just borrow against me and you. And they’ve borrowed $13,000,000,000,000 dollars, from me and you. That’s they. Hah!!!

In conclusion, I am sorry for being a spoiled brat. it doesn’t matter what I’ve suffered, I want to work hard for you and with you. Not too hard. But harder. Because I love you. The NSF gave me $20,000, my dad $10,000, and my mom $10,000. And I wasted it all away! Bell spent who knows how much due to me.

So that’s the truth. I am going to ponder all that today. Obviously I need a change of attitude. And it’s why I really pushed to work hard for a lot of people in the last 8 years. I can also simply just pay people back. But it won’t matter if I don’t change and truly be helpful. So that’s the next step. Stop being unhelpful, and start being helpful. I know you know what I mean.

I am just concerned. This city is turning into worse than a “third world country”. It’s serious cause for alarm. It’s a symptom of our philosophies.

For me, I need to rely more on seeking guidance on what works, business wise. And working a little harder. And doing my part to help frame the problem. That’s what I do best. Journalism. And being helpful as a mature man. Meaning kind, and helpful. Thank you!

The solution is to write this out. Make a plan to do something about it. Stick to the plan. The plan for me right now is to keep reading my AA book and emotional sobriety book daily. Work a 4th step everyday. And keep making amends. Making amends. Daily. In my attitude. My actions. And direct amends where possible.

Whew! Working it out! Day 28. Getting golf clubs fitted today. Excited for another round at Casserlys. Maybe even with a putter. Putter and 7 iron. It’s so amazing to understand all the things I’ve read about in magazines now. I might actually be a good golfer. I almost pared quite a few times with a 7 iron. Got on the green generally one two shits. Putting was actually way better than I expected. But a putter would help. It’s too hard to be consistent with a 7 iron while putting.

I am not going to change the world today. But I can make small changes every day.

Perhaps I could actually just accept everything the way it is. That is the serenity prayer. What do I need to change about myself? It’s generally realizing the world doesn’t owe me everything.

Anyway, thank you for reading! I wish I could tell you how much I love you and send you 10,000 dollars just for the fun of it. Or make you breakfast. Something! There’s just something about accepting you in your life and adding flowers to it.

The rainbow of feelings: Stacey! It’s hard! Meeting you has been unprecedented for me. Loving you means livening the world. Marriage style. It’s hard to integrate and balance all of that. I’m getting fat! My stomach is gaining bulge. It means I’m not focused. Trying too much to help others. I beleive that is rooted in guilt. Guilt for irresponsibility. As you know I’m making up for things in that way. This is where I always stagnate and get lost. My dad. I get desperate. Crazy. I can do it this time. I have to keep pushing ahead. It’s scary! I get happy, then I usually get overly friendly. Then someone says something I don’t like. And then I’m lost for months. I’m explaining this to tell you, I can do it this time. Please understand it’s hard!! I think this is 83%. 84% requires a certain balance and peace.

You know, it might seem like I’ve gotten no where. But I have actually spent the last eight years figuring you out. It’s what I do.

We’ve climbed far. Soon we’ll be at the top. Hah! Imagine that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *