This was the end. In so many ways. My house was essentially a complete house. And my restraining order was ending. I wrote it in my planner. The end.
What if she had moved on? What if it was all in my stupid head? That would be ok. It would have just been a symptom of major trauma. And that is ok. I can accept that. Atleast it would make sense.
I found myself meeting with the father figures in my life. Just to make me feel settled. And get a little wisdom. They understood.
Now I had some income again. I could subsist like his for another six months. Making my food. $40 a week. And good too. And watering my vegetables with my bath water. Riding my bike. Trading handy man work at my moms gym for a membership. And biking.
It felt good. I planned my day for tomorrow. Bike. That was it.
Or what if she wanted to go sailing with me? I would take her and never let her out of my sight for eighty years. Ever. Never. Until the end.
There is a bible verse, that said to be enraptured with your wife’s love. And if it was her, then it was easy!